She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

close up photo of blue sea waves

I hate having self-talks,
Because therein lies loneliness, nightmares
And a visit to my smelly past,
Which further exposes my inner struggles,
However, this one’s special,
I got to unwind, and reflect,

This love is way too much for me,
She gives it away,
She gives it all,
Like she doesn’t need any of it,
But, wait, does she lose any?
By simply sharing it, jealously, I guess not,
To her it’s a form of therapy,

That she loves me is not in contention at all,
My concern is her expectation,
Didn’t the wise say, to whom much is given,
much is expected?
There goes my greatest worry,
She is too good for me,
I belong to the category of ‘bad’ boys,
The much I try to show my true self to her,
The much she overdoses me with her unconditional love,

Fear has gripped my soul,
I am not sure if I will put up with her high standards of love,
I dream of a day fate will catch up with my pretense,
She will catch up with me too,
What’s the worst that can happen anyway?
Obviously, rejection
Isn’t that so?

After all, I do not have a heart left anymore,
Not only is it worn out but broken and re-broken,
I lost count how many times,
She isn’t to blame at all, I am
For making her pay for the sins of her predecessors,
She will realize how much I took advantage of her,
How much I used her,
To satisfy my vengeance and bitterness,
From the past,
She will love me not anymore

I have a lot of self-conciliation to do,
I am broken, beyond repair,
She did her part, offered me love,
At my greatest point of need,
But did I treat her the same way?
Fate will for sure catch up with me,
I am ready to pay,
Isn’t that what a man exists for?
Paying for everything,
Of course society is wired that way,

This is a dream that I’m afraid of,
I’m tempted to open up and apologize,
But that’s going to sound so cliché
‘Please love, don’t reject me’,
Asking for love again would be too much to ask,
All I need is acceptance, back into her life,
As an insignificant other,
That way, I’d be able to seek her attention,
Without strings attached,

It would be too late to love,
Too fast for her,
My prayer is for life to teach me right,
To learn from my past,
And find peace within me,
But because my heart is not ripe for her,
She will continue to love me not,
Even though, she used to love me

(check out his work)


silhouette photo of person sitting on boardwalk at sunset

He loves me,
He loves me not?

I sit alone in bed
In the ungodly hours of the night
Memories threaten to make my head explode
My bedsheets smell of you
Your sweet scent stuck on my skin
The dirtiness of our sins
Threatening to corrupt my sanity
The longing in my loins
Send a gush of approval
On my thong
Ready to welcome
But you just left
Not too long ago
Yet, I still crave for your touch!

Your sweetness;
Leaves me addicted!
I miss your tender thrusts into me
How religiously you worship my body
I run my fingers around my lips
And I wish you would spend the night,
Just this one time;

Now my bed is too big
For my tiny body;
I keep touching your side of the bed
Knowing too well it’s empty
And I want to call you so bad
To ask you to come back
Just for a minute
So I can have a taste
Of your poison;

But I sit
In wonder and doubt
Questioning If you think about me
With the same intensity I do you
I wonder if you will think about me

When you get home
And she lays next to you;
I wonder if you will make love to her
The same way you did me
I wonder if you will tell her the sweet nothings
With so much conviction
Like you did when we were lost in our paradise;
Just a few moments ago!
I wonder if you love any of us
Or are you in love with her
But love the idea of me?

Still, I want you to hold me
In your arms
Engulf me in your mighty body
Familiarize yourself with my sweetness;
So, tonight
I will hold on
To memories of us
While I wonder
You love me
Or love me not?



gray metal cubes decorative

The unspoken words between us
When we look into each other’s eyes
And we feed of from the depth of our love
Pronounced loudly by our eyes;
The window of our hearts
Which is silent!

The unspoken words
When your heart beats close to mine
When you hold my hand
When you engulf me in your warm embrace
When you kiss my face;
When the sound of our breath
Is all that fills the air
When the deafening silence
Is louder than our moans
When humour has left the room
And pain is all that is left

The unspoken words
Bring us to the realization
That we are holding on to the memories
That glued our hearts together
For we are scared to be lonely!



Show me the way to your heart,
So that I can my find my way
To the deepest caverns of your existence
You have given me a single room in your heart
But I want the whole house
I want your heart to beat only for me
Selfish; right?
In the cold, lonely nights
The memories of your skin on mine
Keep me warm
The memories of your soft lips
On mine
Poison my heart
I know I can’t have you in my bed;
For as long as I want,
But I will always hold on
To memories of us naked in bed;
The way you confuse me,
I could call you Confucius!
Thoughts of you
Keep me awake at night.
I want to feed my cravings for you
I could let you use me;
If I make you feel half of what
You make me feel,
Then I don’t ever want to say goodbye!



Sometimes I want to be alone
I want to sink in my misery
I want to master loneliness
To conquer my fears
Sometimes I want to clear my mind
To distance myself from you
To distance my mind from thoughts of you
To distance my heart from your feelings
I want to soak my soul in my pain
To feel every inch of heartache that heavily weighs me down
To bathe in my affliction
To familiarize myself with peace
Sometimes, I want to listen to my heart beat
To hear the rhythmic sound of my breath
To get in touch with nature
To align my self with my purpose
Some times I want to enjoy the silence
In an empty room
To feed from this cup of adversity
That has become a friend to me
It’s the only way I feel alive
I want to get lost in my distress
To find solace in my own arms
To learn how to embrace myself
And get accustomed to the sound of my heart
That beats painfully!


Letters To Temptation.

Hi stranger,
I want to tell you something,
More like confess;
You don’t know this but,
I think about you.
I have a great urge
To call you
And hear your soothing voice
And listen to your endless stories;
I want to come and see you
To make my heart happy!
But then I get cold feet
I get scared to reach out to you;
Not because I can’t
But because of boundaries!
I don’t want to overstep my boundaries
I want to stay in my lane
For I know
Your love is not mine
Your heart belongs to another
It’s sold, packaged and delivered to another
And I don’t want to compete with another.
I don’t know what we are;
Our relationship is not defined
I like it that way though,
I don’t want to complicate it more than it is already,
My heart wants to stay at a safer distance;
From yours
Waiting on you,
Is like waiting on a love that will never suffice
For you are mentally stimulating;
Our conversations,
Make my mind get an orgasm
And I’m afraid
That I could be a casualty
Of your charming personality!