A year ago today, I was a nervous wreck. I remember going for what was to be my last gynae’s appointment and confessing to him my fears. The thought of child birth had taken my mind through a rollercoaster. Of course I thought I was going to have a vaginal birth until I heard him say ‘Judith, it looks like we are having a 4 kg baby’.

My fears were now safely buckled and packed waiting to take off. A myriad of questions tormented my sanity. How on earth was I going to push a 4 kg baby? Then Dr Kiragu as if in consolation told me that an elephant cannot be overpowered by its tasks. He had noticed just how concerned I was.

I wanted December to move a bit further especially after members of our WhatsApp group started having their babies earlier than their expected delivery dates. I felt like I needed more time, to finish shopping for the baby, to wash his clothes, to rearrange my house, to pack my hospital bag, to be pampered and excused by everyone. I sure would miss being pregnant especially because of how people treated me. Most people were friendly, mothers would always offer advice, I would not queue anywhere for any service, I would fart in public and people would just understand that it was part of the pregnancy package.

More often than not, I wondered of the type of parent I would be. Was I ready to receive my prince charming? What if he was not as charming as expected, would I accept him for who he was? Would I figure out how to be a mother given that there was no manual. A friend had told me that I would learn on the job, was I ready for the task ahead?

I remember going for walks trying to be a little fit, they said it would make dilation a little easier. I went up and down those stairs at the roysambu fly over hoping that the baby would engage. I even bought a yoga ball and sat on it bouncing most of my days. I even had too much sex, following my doctor’s advice that it would help soften the cervix. If I remember everything I did just because I wanted to ensure that I had a vaginal birth just because everyone considered it to be the normal way, I pity myself on how misinformed I was.

Most people had advised me against opting for a caesarian section. Ask me why and I fail to understand the need for everyone to live as per the norm and not break out. See, I always thought having a cs would save me from all the pain and that it would be a bit safer but most people wanted to influence my thinking. They said that I had to go through the pain of child birth for me to be a certified woman. I wondered who had made them the decision maker as to who qualified to be a certified woman and who didn’t.

Watching those videos of childbirth on YouTube did a number on me. I remember crying for a whole day at the thought of it. It scared me to my core. I couldn’t imagine the pain, the sweat and the thought of a child’s head popping out of my vagina made me really frightened. I prayed for the grace to overcome my fear. The fear of going into the delivery room and not coming out. I remember my most common prayer was for God to let me and my baby come back home safe and sound.

A year later and I now know how misguided I was. I now know better. I know that childbirth isn’t a death sentence, it is not the toughest part of life if you compare it to motherhood. I’ve realized that motherhood is like going into an exam of a course that you didn’t choose, that you have no idea of the content and you have to figure it out: it rearranges your life in such a way that you may feel trapped in your own life but once you figure it out, you will love it. I’ve also realized that whether you go for a vaginal birth or a caesarian section no one should make you feel less of a woman

9 thoughts on “MY GREATEST ADVENTURE 1

  1. Just a reminder of what i went through,the toughest and easiest way of struggle.
    May God bless all mothers.

  2. “I remember my most common prayer was for God to let me and my baby come back home safe and sound”…..Its also my prayer for when I get there….love the article!

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