STUCK

I’m stuck here
I’m stuck in that house
I’m stuck in that relationship
I’m stuck in those feelings
I’m stuck in those emotions
I’m stuck in that love
I can’t seem to move forward
I can’t seem to move backwards
I can’t seem to find my way
I can’t see anyone else
All I see is you!

I’m stuck in that betrayal
I’m lost in the hurt
That resulted from that affair
I’m stuck in that pain
In that trauma
In the hell you put me through
In your memories
In memories of us

I’m stuck in the events of those three nights
Those cold and lonely nights
Where my thoughts wandered
Where my words failed me
And my strength escaped through the window
Weakness became my companion
And I let you dominate
To feed your ego

I lost everything
I lost myself
I lost my identity
I lost my love
I lost my home

I’m stuck in the dreams we had for ourselves
The dreams we had for each other
The plans we made for our future
I’m lost, can’t seem to find my way

I’m stuck
In this feeling of regret
In this feeling of pain
In this feeling of loss
I’m stuck here
In this darkness you left me in
In this web of heartbreak
I can’t seem to free myself from this shackles

I’m stuck here
I need a saviour
But I’m not ready to be saved
I’m content with my current state
Of brokenness
I need some fixing
But I’m not willing to be fixed
For I’ve never felt so alive
Yet stuck
But alive in every moment, in every sense, every emotion.

I’m stuck on you
But I don’t want to come home
I’m not ready to come home
I may never come home
Because I’m so stuck I can’t find my way
I can’t find my way back to you
Truth is I detest home
I hate home so much
I don’t even have the strength to enter that house

I’m stuck on your words
Your demeaning words
That made me inferior
That made me lose my worth

I’m stuck in this hole you left me in
Lost in this emptiness
I can’t seem to let you out
Worse, I can’t let anyone in
I don’t want to forget
I want to remember
Everything
The good,the bad and the ugly

I want to drown in this pain
I want to sink deep in this hurt
I want to cry a river
To free myself
But I’m too weak
I can’t seem to find the tears

I’m stuck in self pity
I’m stuck on the what ifs
I’m stuck on what could have been
I’m stuck on us

I’m stuck on the lovemaking
Damn!
I’m stuck on the passionate kisses
Oh how so heavenly!
I’m stuck on how you looked at me
How you communicated with my body
I’m stuck on the soft caresses
How well you handled me
With so much grace
With modesty

I’m stuck in the boundaries
In the betwixt
In the boundaries
Of the past and the present
Of our fantasy and our bitter reality
Oh damn!!!

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