Memories of you still haunt me
Sometimes I don’t want to close my eyes
I prefer not to think of you at all
But you won’t make it easy on me
You remind me of my bad decisions
Decisions I wish I didn’t make
Sometimes I can’t comprehend how my mind works
I can’t understand what I saw in you
I can’t fathom why I fancied you
I can’t even believe that we happened

You are not even my type, not at all
Yet you worked your magic into my heart
Into my being
Onto my skin
Into my mind
Into my every thought
Onto my senses
You became my 6th sense

Now I’m left wondering
How to get you out of my system
How to let go of your memories
How to rub you off my skin
How to detox you off my thoughts
How to exile you from my history

How can your memory be so stubborn
How could your presence in my life be so incomparable
How could thoughts of you be so powerful
How could our time together be so short yet feel like a lifetime
How did things happen so damn fast

I always ask myself why?
Why did I go against my morals for you?
Why did I let you in?
Why did I loose myself trying to please you?
Why did you come into my damned life?
Why did I fancy you?

It’s been a hot minute
Since I said goodbye
Since I last saw you
Since I held you
Since you enclosed me in your warm embrace
Since I discarded the bracelet
Do you remember?
That bracelet you gave me as a souvenir?

To tell you the truth
I miss you
A lot
I think about you
I question myself
I question my decision
To leave you in my past
I always wonder
If I made the right decision
If I’ll eventually forgive myself
If you will hold anything against me
If you still think about me too
If you are happy without me

I’m always conflicted
With the desires of my heart
And the thoughts in my head
They are in conflict with each other
One wants you
The other detests you
One wants to see you again
The other just wants you to exist as a memory
As a fling
As a feeling

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder
I confirmed this to be true
I learnt it the hard way
Thoughts of you still make me nervous
Good nervous
Memories of you awaken every part of my being
They evoke feelings that you arose in me
They draw my heart to yours

I know that I should close the gates
To the deepest caverns of my heart
To lock you out completely
I know I should be running
Away from you
But I’m weak when it comes to you
My legs become numb
And leave me crawling
Making you catch up with me

But I’m determined
I’m resolved
To do my best
To make you a stranger again
To my heart and it’s environs
To my mind and it’s walls
To my body and my being
To only allow you to be a thought
To let everything I felt for you to be silent

6 thoughts on “OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND

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